Wednesday, February 13, 2008

VDay Feature: The Recipe For Self Detonation

Statutory Warning: Post contains dark humour. May create illusions of depression in the sensitive kind.

The Recipe:

1. A Valentine's Day evening miles away form your loved ones. (For best results, an evening after an exam when you are too exhausted to study)

2. Sappy love songs in the background. (eg. 'Are you lonesome tonight' by Elvis, an especially potent one)

3. A drink of your choice.

Let it sit for an hour, in the presence of your cellphone.

After an hour:

1. According to statistics, probably no one would have called. So you realize that no one really misses you. (mostly because of the exhaustion). In case you have received a call, start all over again.

2. You drink's over, and you wonder why you haven't got more.

3. You decide to chuck the sappy tunes and switch to Rammstein instead, bringing out your inner anger.

"POW", you explode/implode depending on whether you are an extrovert or an introvert.

Congratulations! You just learned how to self-detonate.

(Image Courtesy: XKCD Comics)

Monday, February 11, 2008

The Rise And Fall Of The Grammar Nazi

The phone rang out in the dark and I picked it up with a huge grin.. It was my friend. He sounded grim. "What's wrong?", I asked. And he said, "You know Poli, I bleeded from the nose today." I shrieked, "Oh my God..... It's bled, not bleeded." Needless to say, he was shocked.

I am not to blame for this. What else do you expect from someone, who has been taught in a missionary school, with an Irish principal, and more English subjects in a class than all other subjects put together? And a large chunk of the blame goes to Mrs Moss(our English teacher for 4 years) who was such a great teacher, that she made us love this nitpicking.

Look at me now!! If Mrs. Moss heard my English today, she'd have nightmares for a week. The grammar Nazi in me rose steadily at first, right to the pinnacle, then started collapsing, till it faded into oblivion. What went wrong? Let's trace the life of our Nazi to find out.

Fed well and nurtured under the able guidance of the dictator SH(our principal), and trained as a master sword-fighter by the legendary teacher , M, our GN(Grammar Nazi :D) walked out of school with a cool swagger, waiting to unleash her sword at the slightest instance of a grammatical slip-up. GN lived with only one goal : Grammar above all else!

It was a happy day for GN when I started editing 'CRAP' - my college magazine. Being recognized for censuring - a dream come true. Little did GN realize that this was the beginning of the end..

It started with little things, me allowing a lot of colloquial content in the magazine (Come on.. It couldn't be mistaken for a boring award-winner). But the fatal blow was dealt by the talking. GN could not react fast enough when I talked - she was Blitzkrieged. The more I talked, the lesser she could speak. That probably explains the correlation of the deterioration of my language with the increase of my verbal interaction.

GN's loyal assistant Vocab had been impoverished as well. Gone were the superlative, impressive, abominable and atrocious . All that remained were awesome, sexy, sad and cheap.

Robbed of her ally and source of sustenance, GN died a slow death. I noticed only a few days back, when I thanked a friend for having 'feeded' us. Only then did I realize that GN had left me for good.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

I've been dreaming...

I'd been dreaming of a world for some time..
But that world may not be mine.
I feel it slipping out of my fingers..
Slipping out like the sands of time..

I am dreaming of a new world now..
A world as great as the other,
It is still forming, still nascent..
I will not know till it grows further..

Saturday, February 2, 2008

From Behind The Counter - A whole new perspective

(Courtesy :

Scenario 1:

You walk into a restaurant. Loads of things on the menu.. Huge queue!!!! You stand in line, hoping to decide till you get to the counter.. You don't.. The cashier seems impatient as you carefully order what you want, and customize it to your tastes.. As you wait with your friend for your food, you complain about the service, about how rude the cashier is and so on...............

Scenario 2:

You are a graduate student in a foreign land, taking care of your monthly expenses by working as a cashier at an eatery in college. You have an important submission in the evening!!! There is a bug in your code, which has kept you up all night - and is still unsolved. You stand at the desk staring at that happy-go-lucky undergrad who can't figure out whether he wants chicken or steak in his quesadilla........

That, my dear, is life hitting you with perspective..

It would be unfair to say though, that my experience as a cashier has been all bad.. You do come across some interesting characters.. Take for example, this red-headed guy who would always order the same thing in the very same words even "A number 7 with no lettuce on the taco". He'd be there every morning before the counters opened, be one of the first to order, and then eat his "number 7 with no lettuce on the taco" while watching a movie on his laptop.

Then there was this shrivelled old man, who always bought a hot dog with cole slaw from the convenience store and walked by. Never said a word. He, for some reason, has become the epitome of loneliness for me.

And then there were the people I worked with.. In spite of all their troubles and worries, they managed to smile and crack jokes the whole time.. Hats off to them..